Hier sein

We were checking places at Verdun last night with F. She has to move in Jan or Feb anyway so she is also looking for an apartment. Me, I like my small 2 1/2 but don’t really feel it like home yet but as a transitory place on the way to I don’t know where.

I don’t yet feel like settling there.

Prices are cheaper at Verdun. I can get a larger place for a little more than what i am paying now. There’s some life in the area, coffee places, stores. Not too bad.

And i just smiled when F said “never mind that there’s not much to do at night because at night you have sex and don’t go out too much at all”.

Nice life eh?

As nice as it is to share, having some independence is healthy as well.

If two people are to live together some space helps to the sense of independence that is lost by being together. A large enough condo or a house can provide the space for solitude at the same time that the proximity to the one you’re with.

Even before coming to Quebec I used to keep my apartments kinda empty. I liked them like that. I liked the sensation of emptiness, the frugality, the relevance that perfect shapes take when surrounded by void space. So I usually prefer to have just a few things that I really like. And also that probably reflected the unconscious desire of not being there for long. A desire of fresh new things. A kind of rejection of my immediate reality. Pantha rei.

So it seems there’s more to my being here than I would have thought at first.

listening Blue October Hate me



I just came from talking on the phone with F.

Things were kinda confusing between us. It was not clear we were on or not, or if we would be somehow in the future.

But she was just talking about some problems in her life that had to do with the way things were going lately. Makes sense. Maybe there is a reason she kept calling me every day just to talk and see how i was. Maybe there’s a reason she can get so angry at little things I do -if she wouldn’t care why would she get so mad?-.

Well, i just can say that things seem kinda promising. Even the possibility of moving together.

Crazy eh?

In a sense, from all the people I’ve met up to now she seems the more interesting. From her tattoos to the look she’s got I’d say she’s the one I like best. I was looking for somebody like that.. add the age factor and it’s an interesting mix. Well, interesting to me at least.

I’m not meaning all is said and done.

I’m just saying I’m happy. For now.

And yeah, I want a mix between Tank Girl and a Suicide Girls model.

Sometimes we may just get what we want.

Just sometimes.

un cuero

listening El Último de la Fila El loco de la calle


S came last night.

After the first time we met we just talked about chilling while watching a movie, cuddling a bit and maybe sleeping overnight. So we did.

But afterwards we got into heavy petting. I guess i just let myself go. No regrets. For a moment i almost laughed a bit when listening her expelling some unfathomable quebecois interjections as she enjoyed what we were doing. Way to learn some french !

We woke up at around 9 AM and went again at it for a while. At around midday it was time to go grabbing something for lunch. I was lazy, i would’ve stayed but anyway, off we went to a buffet in Chinatown, after we found one of her missing socks that was hanging off a roof fixture. Don’t ask.

Cold air thru my spiky hair, little smile on my face. No falling snow but 0° C and some wind. Couldn’t care less as I only took a polar jacket and a t-shirt. Fuck the weather, Fuck the weather !

After a copious meal, got sleepy and came back to my Bude. Life is not perfect, but sometimes it throws some perfect moments to you.

But now I know I’m not into her.

So you’ll undertand the lyrics of this video.

This is a perfect night for going into a goth club. Dark. Unreal. Flooded with rough sounds and deep bass all around. I just gotta find where.

F just called. Too tired to do anything. We’ll talk later. Maybe I’ll go see her.

La neige, enfin !

J’étais un peu blue aujourd’hui mais l’arrivée de la neige ça m’a fait du bien… en marchant sur les rues j’avais un p’tit fou rire en tant que tous les flocons de neige volent partout, sur ma tete, mes oreilles, mes cils, les spikes de mes cheveux et je jouais comme un chien heureux seulement d’y être là…

Voici deux photos de ma première neige.

la neige

dans Point-aux-Trembles

J’habite tout proche du coin de la première photo, et la deuxième est une rue proche chez des amis où je suis allé manger aujourd’hui.

Right now

How I miss the colored beams of light piercing thru the smoke of a dark room, the deep thump of huge subwoofers and the joy of slow movement as in diving in the smoothness of sound, propelled by the light intoxication of having a few -just a few- drinks. And going back home before dawn with someone nice and fuck and sleep and fuck and sleep and fuck and sleep until we’re hungry enough to leave the bed and go out for lunch, slightly pale, walking with short, occasionally faltering steps the hint of a smile on the face and the much bearable lightness of being in the crotch.

Many things have to be right to have a perfect night like that. Yet, they do happen from time to time.

Why not tonight or tomorrow’s?